The Insult in "You Speak So Well!"

Think about it.

When you're having a chat with your friend, with whom you share your thoughts and experiences, it never occurs to you to judge whether or not she speaks well.

The main thing is that you understand each other, often without even speaking.

So, when someone says "wow, you really speak (insert language here) well!," the underlying comment is "for a foreigner."

When you speak a language for many, many years, your accent may or may not become like those around you. But here's the thing: an accent says absolutely nothing about a person's grasp of grammar or fluency in a language.

Really? I hear you say.

Speech is based on how we move our mouths when we talk. If I have an "accent" to your ears, it just means we speak differently. Accents can be the result of using the sounds from one language to speak another - this is usually what's happening when someone is said to have a "thick" accent. They can also be regional variations, or even the result of a well-traveled existence.

When we learn another language, sometimes we learn the sounds in that language are different. Even when we can hear those differences, we all have a varying ability to make our mouths reproduce the sounds we hear.

Why is this important? Actually, I would argue it's not.

I am a speech therapist; my main concern is that you can communicate your thoughts and feelings, wants and desires with as little difficulty as possible.

But to the extent to which your accent gets in the way of any of these things, or creates a barrier for those listening to you, I want to help. The reality is, we're all being judged on how we speak, whatever language we speak, however well.

So, really, you're being judged by someone else's ears, a factor you cannot control. When your listener has more experience speaking (and listening) with a wide range of speakers, she is probably less likely to notice the differences between the way you speak and the way she speaks.

Everyone has an accent. It is simply a way to describe how someone speaks.

Yes, everyone.

If I plucked you out of your familiar environment, and flung you halfway across the globe, you would most likely speak differently from the people you just met.

Which brings us back to the insult in "you speak so well!"

If, after many years among these people, you learned to speak their language, but kept some of your accent from your previous life, you would feel great about your ability to communicate with those around you.

The people around you, close friends and those in your community, get used to you. No one notices your way of talking is different from theirs, it is simply your way of expressing yourself. You forget about your accent, until someone new from your adopted home arrives and reminds you that you speak differently, just by saying "you speak so well!"

Because if you spoke more like those around you, no one would notice the way you pronounce your words, they would be listening to what is more important - what you have to say.

So the next time someone asks you about your "accent" - remind them they would have one too, to someone else, because - everyone has an accent.